Monday, October 19, 2009


Every now and then I cannot find any acquaintances in the dining hall to help give me moral support while I attempt to choke down the U of R food (I have lost 10 pounds since I got back to school). In cases such as these, I reach for the newspaper and read about that day's events. About once a week, however, I peruse the student-created "Campus Times." I am a huge fan of the campus times. I think the contributors and editors do a fantastic job. Many of the articles are written with a humorous tone, which I love. My favorite section of the paper is consistently the Security Update section. It basically details some of the issues that erupted that week, requiring attention from UR Security. Obviously sometimes things happen on any college campus that are incredibly serious in nature should not be joked about. However, the incidents mentioned in the Security Update are usually somewhat minor. The reason I like this so much is because they are presented in a totally hilarious style, and some of the events are ridiculous in and of themselves. The column is written by Jerome Nathaniel, a very cool, very smart dude who I have a class with.

When I was reading the issue of the paper from October 8th, I came across a section in the Security Update that made me laugh incredibly hard. It is undoubtedly the funniest, most bizarre, and thoroughly hilarious entry I have ever run across. Enjoy...

Elevator Enthusiast Gets Escorted Out of UHS
On Oct. 3, at 1:25 p.m., UR security responded to a report of a male photographing the elevators at the University Health Service building and riding the elevators up and down.
According to Daniel Lafferty (Head of UR security), officers located a male matching the description and walking rapidly down Library Road.
When the officers approached the suspect, he admitted to being in the UHS building. Lafferty said the suspect told the responding officers he had a "thing" for elevators and wanted to check out the new ones at UHS. He further insisted that his spouse was an employee of the University.
He was advised that his behavior was inappropriate and was warned and released.

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